Volume 14, Number 4 · October 2004

Safety First

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither is there apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We who speak our version of the language take it for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

For more on why the English language is hard to learn, read on -

A bandage is wound around a wound.
A farm is used to produce produce.
A dump can be so full that it has to refuse more refuse.
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead, if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Although there is no time like the present, he may not want to present the present until the following day.
The artistic fisherman painted a bass on the head of the bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes for the seeds.
I did object to the object in my eye.
The insurance may be invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
You must get close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injunctions, my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the jagged tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of questions.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friends?

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